Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Sleep Peacefully, Sir H

I start today's sad entry by making no apologies for what may seem a slightly self indulgent, waffly blog post. In many ways, its cathartic to get it all out in words.

Last night, Sir H slept well, on his blankie next to my bed, dreaming running dreams and hopefully remembering a time when he was fit and well, running around the fields. I must have been crying as I woke up in the night to find Wiggle had crept up onto my bed and was laying next to me, licking my face. Even Sofy, not known for her sensitive moments, came in from her bed in the spare room to check on us all.

After giving up on sleep, we all got up some time after 5am and the dogs all had breakfast, which included ham and sausages with their usual kibble. Sir H enjoyed some quality time in the garden, laying on the grass, sniffing the fresh air in the sun:

I went into work for a few hours and came home at lunchtime, determined to give Sir H some special time before we went to the vets. We went to Maude Heath and had a sit down on the grass, with me hugging my handsome old boy and feeding him treats. It's been so heartbreaking to see his poor old body unable to keep up with his active mind. He's never had any hearing or sight problems and was always ready for a treat.....

Wiggle has definitely worried about us. It's hard to explain and despite his goofyness most of the time, Wiggle is a very sensitive boy. He spent most of the evening yesterday laying opposite me, just watching me and coming up to me for a hug and to lick my face when I cried.

Sir H was here from day one for Wiggle and although they've never been dependant on each other, they've had a lovely, brotherly bond.

I don't think Sofy really understood what was going on. I suppose in her young life, she's never lost a canine companion or known a life without love.

It's hard to know whether Sir H knew what was to come this afternoon, but if he did, he didn't show it.

Seeing Sir H so relaxed and happy, I have to be honest and say that I did question whether I was making the right decision. But in reality, I know I was. This morning, once again, Sir H had diarrhoea with blood in it and was struggling to go to the toilet without wobbling over. The lump on his leg was looking so sore it must have been painful.

I honestly don't think I could have wished for a more peaceful passing for my gentle old boy. After leaving Maude Heath, we went to the vets and although Sir H hopped in, once we were there, he flopped down on the floor in the waiting room. So, I sat on the floor with him, stroking his soft fur.

When it was time, Malcolm called us through and Sir H greeted him with a wag of the tail. Sir H decided to lay down on the floor, which was fine.

It may sound selfish, but I had my last wish for Sir H - he fell into his eternal sleep with me holding him, kissing his head and telling how much I loved him. I could feel him leaning into me and at that time, I felt he knew that I was letting him go and that it was with love, as the last thing I could do for him. My boy passed with peace and dignity.

As Sir H closed his eyes, I told him to go and find Dolly and Bumpy, I told him how very brave and special he was and that I loved him so much......

Sir H was not one for huge displays of affection and at times, I would wonder whether he actually liked me much. But he was truly one of a kind, the most gentle and undemanding boy and even though he was only with me for 2 years and 2 weeks, he is going to take a huge chunk of my heart with him.

Although I have lost 6 dogs now in 4.5 years, it doesn't get easier as each one is so special in their own way. I don't know that the future holds but hopefully it will be a long time yet before I lose another.....

Sleep peacefully Sir H, you truly were one in a million and I feel very lucky to have shared your final years with you in my life.


Annie said...

Bless You. Bless Sir H. Happy and at peace and looking around for those bunnies to chase at RB. He was such a dgnified dog. You are all truly special. We are with you and thinking of you. With love from Annie X

Teagan said...

A very sad but lovely post. Thank you for sharing with us. Hugs from me and mum xxx

Lucy the Lab said...

What a beautiful tribute to Sir H. You have mom in tears. Thank you, thank you for giving him the love he wanted & dserved, and a dignifed ending.
Hugs xoxoxo
Lucy the Lab & her mom

Fernando F. said...

It's hard to know the moment of letting a pet go. My Maine Coon had diabetes and I took care of him for almost 2 years after that. And he got worst and worst but he seem to handle the discomfort. Until he really felt bad. I went to the vet. He check him and start talking about a big surgery. In a 14 years old cat was too much, and there was no guarantee. He was gone in 5 seconds after the injection (a gift from God to me). I got him when he was 3 with what I think he had two broken and heal improperly legs. I cause him some pain when I lift him without care at the beginning (he taught me when I did it wrongly). I was careful for the 11 years he was with me. He managed well. I feed him shrimps almost every night... he looooovvvveeeeddddd them!

Wendy, you are an angel for your dogs. Things made out of love are not meant to be questioned. From what you mentioned you gave Sir H his dignity and not keep him alive just for your mental peace and self interest (not feeling guilty).

Wiggle and Sofy knew exactly that you need them both as close as possible during the night. I hope they can share your pillow one extra night.

Betsy said...

We are so sad for you. Losing our special fur-children does not ever get any easier.. no matter how many times we go through it. It is a little different but just as heartbreaking each and every time. We still miss our Georgia every day and I still find myself calling Reilly "Ju" .. which was her pet name. My heart hurts for you but Georgia is happy to have him as a new friend at the RB and he is healthy and strong once again. Love, Betsy Brown xoxo(SweetGeorgiaBrown's mom)

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you Wendy (((hugs))).

Rest in peace, special old man. Loved to the end and beyond.

Helen, Bert, Barney, Wylye & bullie girls xxx

Wannabe Goddess said...

Lots of love,

Charlotte and Bailey xxx